Thursday, August 1, 2013

When Your Soul Longs For Peace

Oh dear friends it has been a long time since leaving a post over here I am ready to share the reasoning behind such an extended break this is a very raw post as I share some of the trial and pain over the last year in a half  !!

 The Deep Sighs of a hungry soul one that longs for answers to questions I was never expecting!!

One dark and stormy night a year in a half ago, my soul deeply longed and cried out for answers for a deeper trust in God yet instead I was overwhelmingly paralyzed ,by fear, worry and hurt. It was easy to trust on paper and in words to my Lord up until that point but when life got REAL and some very hard heart wrenching things were taking place did I really believe when the rubber meant the dirty hard road ahead that God is all HE says He is????

 Oh I had seen many a trials in my 18 year walk with my Lord and Savior but NEVER the intensity by which I was about to endure. A mom's heart being ripped in two when her now 18 year old baby  (now almost 20) could drive and begin to make her own decisions in this great big dark ugly world seeking to eat her alive! I was now finding myself overwhelmed by the what if's of  this life. I had wrestled with God many times about faith and things unknown but only on paper but now I was finding myself wrestling with God in a very REAL way in the very REAL flesh as my faith was being shattered with the what if's with the pain of answering the hardest most painful question I have had to answer yet .... WHAT IF MY YOUNG ADULT CHILDREN STRUGGLE AND FALL IN WAYS I CANNOT INTERVENE ? I was not prepared at all to answer let alone face this question yet this is where I found myself. It's where I still find myself as it has been a challenging process one by which I learn daily minute by precious minute.



 When I had my 7 children and was mothering these precious little babes year after year no one ever prepared me or warned me about the teenage and early adult years where we as mom's must slowly let go and let God intervene yet I find it so difficult to do that cause I feel we as mom's don't really ever let go do we?? I was not prepared for the countless sleepless nights where I would anxiously pace the floor praying for the safe return of my young adult child. I have spent many a nights over the last two years praying and sometimes worrying myself sick about the safe return of my young adult child it was consuming like an all consuming fire. My reality that my children would all grow up perfect little God following , law abiding, family loving, church going children was shattered and the reality sunk in that though we raise our kid's to love honor and obey the Lord they still have free will and start to make choices of their very own, choices we have no control over no say over  and in a very real and dark world where a very real enemy tugs on their heart strings on every side. This parenting of now two young adults has been heart wrenching it's made my faith very REAL it's made me place action where before words were easily spoken yet not yet traveled down, it's made a greater need to daily fall to my knees in deep prayer where I beg God for defining moments of clarity  in parenting in faith in the midst of my paralysis and sheer worry. Prayer's where I pray to be the kind of mom that worry's less and prays more because time is of the essence my sweet friends. Prayers to be the kinda mom consumed with God and His very word and not consumed with circumstances and worry fretting only what can be changed by my Lord Jesus. Prayer and trust in a faithful God to rebuild my shattered view of motherhood so I can parent my other 5 children and NOT MISS the MARK.  Prayers because I know As soon as I pray, you answer me; you encourage me by giving me strength.

~ Psalm 138:3, NLT 
In this time I have found myself more in the Word than ever before and I found myself in Psalms alot David's words were piercing at times got me to ponder . "Oh God you are my God , I shall seek you earnestly, my soul thirsts for you , in a dry and weary land where there is no water. Psalm 63:1
David's words spoke to me He too was calling out to God He was hungry for answers from a God he knew intimately His flesh yearned for Him in a land he didn't know . This spoke to me I was in a land foreign to me and one I didn't understand at all . This verse has rattled me a lot
got me thinking there is a deeper place of being with God of really needing Him, wanting  and engaging with Him it's made me realize that I don't just want to be yes a committed Christian but a SOLD OUT Christian desperate for Him !!! Are we REALLY desperate for God and wanting  more of Him in our Lives ?? Was I desperate for my God ????  I am learning to really tear apart the scriptures like the one above asking myself hard questions starting with Oh God you are my God. was He my God or only in times of trouble?? I shall earnestly seek Him. Did I earnestly seek Him or just when I NEEDED something?? My soul thirsts for YOU but am I drinking from His Cup?? In a dry and weary Land . Do I pray and seek His Guidance  in the dry and weary land or do I expect a quick fix a way out now ?? God is revealing Himself in mighty ways through these challenging times. Has my young adult children come back to God as I am hoping for not yet but instead of fretting night after night and being consumed to the point I forget I have 5 other children who need their mommy NOW I am hopeful and I am placing my trust where it belongs in the hands of a very capable, Faithful, loving God who is their very creator He loves them more then I . I am holding fast to Proverbs 22:6 "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it ."  also the truth that God's Word will NOT return VOID !!!!  So my friend's this is where I am at this has been my hearts struggle these last 2 years my hearts cry and prayer !! I covet your prayers as I raise these 7 gifts from above !!  I find my peace in His Word HE has promised in the Book of John verse 27 " Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you, not as the world gives do I give you, Let not your heart be troubled , neither let it be afraid."  So when my soul longs for peace I cry out to the only one that gives the peace that surpasses all understanding !!! 

Oh God may we momma's love our kiddo's every second of everyday time is so fleeting and when their old enough to flee we must let go so while we have them under our wings and precious care may we not waste but a moment fretting the small stuff may we lift them in prayer daily for the life ahead shall you terry may we pray prayers we think we don't have need of yet like their relationships with you and their future jobs and friends and mates shall that be Your perfect will may we never fail to seek you out in the sight of our little ones may they see us living breathing Jesus in very real ways so their little hearts seek after  a true and right relationship with you and the importance of that relationship Oh Lord watch after my wayward child bring them home to you sooner than later in Jesus name I pray amen 

So my soul finds rest and PEACE in GOD alone !!!




Until next time Blessings,
Cindylivingclean

2 comments:

  1. Praying sis, the Lord must have been moving many in an unknown land direction this past year or so, i too still walk through this, and some others all different situations but the path were walking and have been walking through has been a reality of trusting and knowing who our maker is. We together shall press forward and strive towards the finish line. You are doing a great job mommy keep it up. by your example they will reflect upon what you have shown and taught them and soon enough they will be back lifting their hands to their king. love you sis..

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  2. MMMMM TRUSTING HIM yes it's the only place to find true clarity and peace of mind when the flesh wants to rip out my hair :) thanks sis for your kind comment:)

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